The time will never be right
A message to a prospective client about urgent and important.
Hi Clarke.
We've got out meeting coming up next week and I know you are super busy so I thought I'd send you this message. I find CDs like these useful because what I want to speak to you about won't stand a chance competing with all the urgent stuff constantly bombarding you at your desk. I suggest you listen to this in you car. It's about 8 minutes long.
I want to raise some questions that will never be urgent but will always be important.
It's been a day or two since we set a time to meet, so I suspect the clarity with which you saw the meeting being important has faded. That's natural. By now you are probably wondering whether you can fit a meeting in. "There's so much to do", you're probably thinking.
If we listen carefully to our internal dialogue we hear ourselves justifying a belief that the timing is not right, "I'll get to that later". We either believe the customer comes first and they are demanding lots right now, or we're anxious about too little work. "We've got to secure that sale". Or if we've been working too many hours we have pressure to be at home. "The kids, I don't spent enough time with them." Or I just need some time to myself. All these thoughts justify opting out of something that is important but not urgent.
All these thoughts seem perfectly reasonable at the time, but the crunchy bit is that we've probably used the same reasoning for a number of years. The real problem is our internal dialogue, the little voice at the back of our head.
I like to give that voice a character. For me, I see the voice as coming from a little man who sits on my shoulder wearing a little green jacket and a spiked hat like a court jester. It suits me to see him as a jester because sometimes I have to laugh at him. He talks to me. He feeds me advice, which has sometimes been right in the past, but sometimes he's had me miss out on opportunities. Is he right this time? What's right anyway? I now ask whether a thought serves me or not rather than whether it is right or wrong. I've learned to be deliberate rather than allowing the little man to influence me blindly.
Oh it's different if we're 20, bullet proof, exploring a brand new world, lots of energy and plenty of time to get serious later. But now, having been about for a while I see the world a little differently. We're thinking about the next 20 years, families, what will happen when the body is less willing to work hard. We want to travel, spend time with grandchildren. Stuff like that.
It's probably clarity of concerns like these that were the catalyst for us getting together in the first place.
Curiously the problem is much greater for people who have enjoyed success. The success encourages our little man. He becomes even more persuasive. He tells us our beliefs have served us well in the past, so why change now. Or he feeds us images of losing everything. He loves exaggerating to suit his argument. Losing things like money, control and most importantly reputation. We fear looking like a Jock. For most of us this all happens subconsciously until that is, we allow someone to hold a mirror up for us to see deeper into ourselves. Then we see the farce the little man has become.
The short and long of it is, we have to take control of our little man if we want to explore new ideas. The little man is our ego, he's working to make sure the self identity we've built up over our lives is preserved if not enhanced.
I want to add here a word of warning. Our little man will not roll over easily, but with some simple understanding we cannot help but think differently and then we cannot help but act differently. We only need to be open to conversations that reveal a deeper understanding.
We see it in people who's success has generated financial wealth. They're able to buy comfort and they certainly aren't about to risk losing any of it. They don't have to physically work hard as they grow older. They can already play golf, travel and spend more time with their families, but sooner or later, either their bodies start to fail through over indulgence or they get bored. If they are not accustomed to allowing themselves to be challenged, to think bigger, wider, their mind's start to rot.
Seeking a deeper understanding of our ego, success and what inspires us will bring us to the conclusion that success ultimately corrupts if we don't continually expand our understanding. Otherwsie the more success we enjoy, the more comfort we have, the less we are inclined to maintain the habits that made us successful. Human beings are comfort seeking beasts. Our purpose in life is to expand the comfort we enjoy, so how do we prevent a decline in our capability as we enjoy greater success?
The key is to gradually shift the focus of some of our attention. It only needs to be a little attention too. On the Profitable Teams website you can find more about how much attention is ideal in an article on the 10:70:20 rule. Go to www.profitableteams.com, do a key word search for 'jenny'. You'll end up at a page that has a story and audio about Jenny who is working too hard.
The only way we can shift our attention is by being open to conversations with people who ask us to consider a different perspective. This is of high importance and gets harder and harder the longer we put it off. The longer we allow the little man in our head to reign over us the more difficult it will be to rein him in.
So Clarke, I cannot prioritise for you. It is only you who can set your priorities, but I can tell you, to keep growing you you'll have to change some priorities.
Yes you'll risk confusing a few people around you in changing your priorities. I've worked with a chap by the name of Adam for over 10 years. He loves his V8 cars, fast boats and toys. He's in his mid 30s now, has a lovely partner and he's making good progress in his business which sells performance accessories for boats and cars. When we started working together many of his friends thought he's gone soft. "Adam's a 'real bloke'". He still is and he is calmer, deliberate and he has a much better balance in his life. He's achieved a great deal more than many of those friends who were confused. He's steadily playing a longer game. He's better able to support his partner. He's able to grow his business and be around for his two boys. He's able to hold a bigger perspective which allows him to keep issues in perspective. And although initially he struggled to see how expanding his perspective would impact his bottom line he can now see it. Just last week he was telling me about a prospective customer who he found himself coaching. A few days later Adam heard the chap was no longer wanting to chuck in his business, he was inspired and he credits Adam with having turned him around. He heard someone say "I hear you're good man to be around Adam". This customers has the potential to double Adam's turnover for a range of products.
As Adam's confidence grows, he's finding his reputation for a higher level of integrity is helping his business grow when in more challenging times lesser businesses are struggling.
The work we will do Clarke, is of vital importance, but it will never be urgent, the time will never be right, so unless I hear from you, I'm looking forward to our meeting. I have it in my diary for Thursday 8th September, 9am at my place. Let me know if you really can't make it, because I am flexible. I can do it in an evening or weekend if we have to.
Speak to you soon.
Regards Donald